[x a b] [version. mental gearbolts]

5.4.2002

Heh, I'm being coerced by Cal to make an entry. Not really, I just don't want to do my homework. So, what have I been up to? Nothing really. School's almost out. I think I'll take summer school. Physics and Astronomy and maybe Oral Communication. Ehh, I also want to work. Too bad there's no openings. Well, I haven't really looked. I'll do that next week.

A sucky thing happened though. I lost my wallet. Really sucks. Too bad I didn't have money in it. But still. There goes my driver's liscence, ATM card, military ID. Grr. I hope someone turns it in though. That's the second time I lost a wallet, with stuff in it too.

On the up side, I'm almost done with a couple of downloads. Heh, you can tell I really don't want to do anything. Well, I really have nothing to say, but I'll think of something starting tomorrow. I'm trying to structure myself, get back in the "discipline mode." Wish me luck.
posted by xab on 8:56 PM

4.17.2002

Darn, Cal's not here so I can't vent to her. She went to run off to dinner. Heh, that's okay though. I'll vent here. Ever had one of those days? Wow, I guess this was another one of those days. The one were you were just annoyed with everything? I guess I was annoyed, and I tried to take it out on my sister, but I guess that didn't go off too well. She went on this whole tirade about how everyone's against her and stuff like that. Basically a screaming match. I don't know.

Well, anyways, here comes my mom. What a useless person in trying to mediate anything. So, she did a totally useless thing and took all the phones away. Grr, looks like I won't be able to talk to Cal today. That's fine, I guess. She said she's behind, so that means lots of catching up. That sort of sucks though, she won't be here this weekend. She won't get to see her cousins and her uncle and auntie.

Ahh! I don't know what to say. Well, instead of venting, I guess I can talk about what I've been up to (I'm not too good at venting). Let's see, yesterday, I was working. I made this lady cry, but not in the bad way though. Seems like she's been having a stroke of bad luck lately. Had a car crash, so that the side of her car is messed up. Then, on the way to where she was going, she got a ticket. Then, when I was helping her with her groceries, it turns out she got a flat tire. So I was helping, and another bagger also helped as well. She was so happy. I declined the tip, telling her to use it to pay for her gas. Who says chivalry is dead?

Well, that's enough ramblings.
posted by xab on 6:29 PM

3.29.2002

So here I am again. My dad came back last Saturday, and he's leaving again tomorrow. We sort of had our bi-annual family meeting today. Actually, they're still doing my sister right now. It's odd, though, having human interactions.
Why am I a loner, actually. Well, you see, last semester, I used to hang out with Cal's friends. They were fun and stuff, I didn't mind hanging around them at all. Though, either by nature or environment, I get "weird." You know, the "I-don't-care-whether-people-look-at-me-or-not" attitude. So that usually includes doing some weird antics and stuff. Just being plain weird. However, they don't like that. They told Cal that too, when she visited them during school, after she was done with her first quarter. How I "embarrased" them. So, after much pleaing, Cal got me to calm down around them. So I calmed down. I don't even know why it should matter, but I guess it did. They didn't want me hanging around, so I didn't.
They called me when the second semester started, asked if I can help them with their homework and stuff. I did. Haven't heard from them since. I really don't know anymore though. Oddly enough, I miss high school. Either that, or I miss my old friends. No, I miss my old friends. I really didn't like high school enough to want to stay there, even for another year.
That's probably why I don't want to let go of Cal. I've never had a relationship last this long. By relationship, I mean by knowing someone, anyone, for over a year. All my high school friends have gone, moved on to bigger things. Sure, I saw my friend who had a kotillion February. And as much as I didn't like the whole dancing bit, it was still fun. Heh, I never confessed that to anyone. I guess it's nice to have someone to talk to and that's the role that I make Cal play. I guess it's unfair for her.
How did this get brought up anyways? Well, one of the things that my family, if that's what you want to call it, talked about is my grades. Last semester I got a 2 something for my GPA. It' really not enough, even by my standards. So they were talking about why it's low. The amount of time I spend in my room was brought up. It's either I'm outclassed, or I spend too much time goofing off. I don't know whether it's my pride or not, but there's no way I'm outclassed. I know the exact reason, but I guess I'm actually either too scared or just stupid to tell them exactly. "It's lonely." Spending every almost every waking moment by myself. I try to drown it out by wasting time: going online; playing video games; doing a rubick's cube. That time I spend wasting could be going to my studies.
Sure, I can go out and make friends, but it's hard for me. I really don't get along with guys. I've tried that back in middle school and it got nothing but constant teasing about being gay and stuff. That reached a point that I actually got into a physical fight with someone about that. And with my major, even the whole building where my major's at, being mostly males, I just don't want to go through with it. That why I wanted to go somewhere to college. I wanted to get a fresh start, along with other people who wanted the same thing. When I went to my orientation, I was talking to a guy. It was pretty cool, talking about our plans for the future and stuff. But when people started filing up, I was left alone to myself, for he had found his friends already. Come to think of it, I didn't even know his name.
But what does it matter. I'm tired and my eye hurts. I guess I'll leave now.
posted by xab on 6:50 PM

3.7.2002

So this was a boring week. Cal was over last weekend. Went to Blasters!, but that wasn't worth it. Darn kids. They give us kids bad names. (I have no idea, I think that was rant, but that's over.)

Let's see, what happened to me? Oh, nothing much. Just the life of a lone wolf, literally. If it wasn't for Cal, I doubt I would have any human interactions. Well, I had my second calculus midterm Monday. Pulled a C. Not happy, but I just want it over with. I haven't been able to get much done this week. But today, I was able to. I finished my physics and anthropology homework, as well as read a chapter of psychology.

Looks like I get to wear glasses. I went to have my eyes checked today. Waited for over an hour, but that's okay. That's when I read. After that whole ordeal, they undilated my eyes. That wasn't too bad, except I forgot that I was the only one who was driving. Good thing I stashed a cheap pair of sun glasses somewhere in my car. Really came in handy. My eyes still hurt, but I think that's because I'm tired now. Well, I guess I'll go to sleep soon.
posted by xab on 10:42 PM

2.28.2002

Looks like this is just not my week. Something interesting did happen to me today. I got my first freaking ticket. I'm so mad, at myself, mostly. It just sucks, getting a ticket. What sucks even more, though, is that I have no idea what to do right now. It mostly concerns my mom. You see, my mom is somewhat "crazy." Not in the schitzophreia way or anything. She's just very "emotional." She's quick to anger and very hard to reason with. Of the three of us, (my brother, my sister, and me), I'm the only one who has been able to get through to her.

Now this ticket is going to be a pain. I guess I should tell her about it. It's the right thing to do, but there's so much to explain. "Why was I speeding?" "What was I doing up there?" All this stuff. I really don't want to stress her out so much, she's already coming home late and leaving early for work. She started to run her own janitorial cleaning franchise, with her and two other partners. I know she's working hard and all, but...what do I do?!

This sucks though. I've lived life believing that people who are nice should be treated nice as well. I don't know. I guess I broke the law (in case you're wondering, it was because I was speeding on the I-5 (SB)). I wonder if they would consider giving a warning. GAH. This is one of those moments where you wish you weren't so freaking understanding. I want to yell, and curse, and complain, and just scream, but I can't. I know exactly what's going on, and my emotions can't be stirred into reaction. Damn it all.

So I guess this is what most of the following entries are going to be about. My wonderful yellow ticket, and my reaction to that and other circumstances surrounding it.

Oh, if anyone happens to have been in my situation, please share your wisdom with me.
posted by xab on 10:34 PM

2.26.2002

This is just a test, don't mind me.
posted by xab on 10:14 AM

2.25.2002

Just finishin putting up most of the site. Cal still has more stuff for me to do. :)
posted by xab on 10:56 PM Have you ever had one of those days where everything just goes wrong. No, not the day when you run over your dog and find out that it was your sister who was digging for buried treasure behind the fence, therefore causing it to collapse, in which you have to fix over the weekend (no, that didn't happen to me, I just thought it might be a fun example).

No, I'm talking about those classic "sitcom" bad days. You know, the one where as soon as you get out of bed, you just have this streak of bad luck. Well, I personally don't believe in luck, but it's just funny how somethings turn out. To start of, I've been having this little argument with this bird outside. For the past three days now, it's been chiping early in the morning. I don't mind the fact that it's chirping at six in the morning. It's a nice alarm clock for me, if I was sleeping. What bothers me was the loud screeching noise it makes, repeatedly. ARGH.

So everything turns out to be pretty fine, until after my anthropology class. Wanting a little break while I walked over to the most boring calculus class ever, all the way across campus, I decide to get an ice cream bar at the vending machine. So the machine accepts my money. And it's about the dispense it. Except, it gets smart and decides not to, halfway between! So there's my ice-cream bar, teetering at the edge of the machine, with no way to take it. After a swift kick near the bottom of machine, I can see that the ice-cream bar and the machine has formed a strong bond, to the dismay of my stomach. In the words of GIR, "I miss my (ice-cream bar)."

After talking to Cal, and repeated wishes to be (re)united with my ice-cream bar, I felt somewhat better. Then the lovely community of Morpheus decides to throw me a curve ball. I finally finished downloading AutoCAD 2001, to help with our future projects. Turns out the file is corrupted. There goes five hours worth of downloading. After that, Morpheus also finishes downloading a copy of the Spider-Man game. Turns out that that file is corrupted too. There goes another five hours, actually more, because it's been put on hold for so long.

Well, enough of this ramblings. On a more serious note, I actually wanted to get back home after getting chicken from our El Polo Locco. Turns out that this is the day that most crazy/stupid drivers come out.
posted by xab on 10:44 PM
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